Hello from Mark and Janell

As you’ve heard, Portland is a hellhole burning to the ground. This isn’t an easy reputation to maintain, so Janell and I have signed up to do our civic duty. The Antifa Council assigned us to setting dumpster fires on Wednesdays. Other neighbors have agreed to coordinate the looting of stores and rioting in the streets. We agreed that on Saturdays we would take part in a neighborhood cleanup, followed by a potluck in the park. One concern we are have yet to address is sourcing environmentally safe inflatable frog costumes from ethically sourced manufacturers.

Aside from dumpster fires, home ownership appears to be our major theme for 2025. Janell and Mark, along with their roommate Robin, still live at 1804 SE 33rd Ave. We even have two extra bedrooms if you’d like to come visit. In May, Will and Stephanie purchased a nearby house, then moved from Tacoma to Portland in August. This puts us within easy walking distance of the grandchildren. In October, Aaron purchased a house in eastern Portland, and we enjoy working with him on plumbing, drywall, painting, and electrical. He has two rooms for rent if you know someone who is looking to move to Portland.

Janell and Mark have been involved in the Oregon Ocean Paddling Society (OOPS): Janell as events director and Mark as president. It is a great organization that has led us to many adventures, and introduced us to a new group of friends who like to paddle boats. We joined this group of friends in September for a trip in the boundary waters canoe area wilderness. It is still as beautiful as I remember.

Janell wrote a daily Haiku poem, reprinted here for posterity:

Pita
Fluffy hot dog buns

Who thought it a good idea

To pack them first

– pita
Fall
Blazing red maple

Peaking from green canopy

Glimpse the coming Fall
Water
Gray monochrome sky

A million bouncing raindrops

Heaven sating earth
Swimming in Silk
Naked head to knees

Water like silk, embraces me

But no bare feet please
Fireside
Pine boughs under feet

Red checkered cloth under seat

Szechuan’s hot, let’s eat

The boundary waters was only one of many of our trips. We took breaks from arson and other left-wing activities to return to the midwest for the weddings of our two nieces, a visit with college roommate Jon in Stevens Point, a performance of Chicken Wire Empire (an excellent bluegrass band), Mark’s sister’s 50th wedding anniversary, and a tour of Door County. Janell found a frog costume to wear for the no-kings march in Appleton, bringing words of solidarity to our fellow resistors in the Midwest.

Mark has taken to writing satire, some of which you can read at https://niemannross.com/my-blogs/ . He has also taken an interest in making pickles of odd things such as bull kelp and cabbage (commonly known as kimchee). If he offers you a sample, be sure to ask what it is, exactly. “Animal, Mineral, or Vegetable” would be a good place to start. He still plays jazz bass.

Janell is an avid pickle baller; the sport, not the food. Sometimes she invites Mark to come along. She found a great deal on an e-bike and now jets around town with assisted pedal power. It makes getting to protests all the easier, especially considering the persistent traffic jams and lack of parking at these civic events. Pedaling in her inflatable frog costume is somewhat awkward, but it makes quite an impact.

So hey – we’re good. Politically, things are a bit bumpy, but we have faith in our neighbors, friends, and family. Come visit us in beautiful (and peaceful) Portland, Oregon. Our back rooms are ready for your arrival.

Mark and Janell Niemann-Ross
1804 SE 33rd Ave
Portland, OR 97214
Janell@niemannross.com
Mark@niemannross.com

AntifaPDX™

“Hi. Welcome to Portland Electronics Mart.” 

You’ve seen me there. I stand by the door, welcoming you to our warehouse of must-have consumer gizmos. 

“Hi. Welcome to Portland Electronics Mart.” I repeat this phrase about 5,000 times per day, give or take a thousand other customers on Black Friday or New Years Day. To qualify for this role, I watched the “meet-and-greet” online training. It includes some first aid training as well as instructions for how to step out of the way when a shoplifter is absconding with a large screen television. Mostly it’s repeating the six-word mantra. Meet-and-Greet is a promotion from stocking shelves.

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Is It Time To Unfriend Facebook?

My relationship with Facebook started as “In a relationship.”

After the Cambridge Analytica scandal, we became “It’s complicated.”

With their cessation of fact-checking, we’re moving to “Separated.”

Now I find out they are pirating my writing. Honestly, it’s like a bad neighbor moved onto the block. How do you keep them from sneaking into your garage and borrowing your lawn mower?

I obviously have some thoughts on this…

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Inside a Writer’s Retreat

A man walks into a bar and asks for a table for six people.

Yep, sounds like the start of a joke. But it wasn’t. The room is full of writers and there is no room for someone who wants dinner in the restaurant.

I’m at the Rainforest Writer’s retreat for four days, focused on Vicious Machine, the follow-on to Stupid Machine, a murder mystery solved by a refrigerator. Thirty of us have taken over The Rainforest Resort Village, filling the lounge, restaurant, and cabins with aspiring writers. The locals appreciate the business—it’s the off season, so we provide an unexpected boost to the economy—but they aren’t sure how to regard us. Asking us “How was the fishing today? ” returns a blank stare.

They would receive a more enthusiastic response if they asked, “How many words did you put down today?”

Let me share a bit about the experience.

Continue reading Inside a Writer’s Retreat

Blacking Out Amazon

I recently mentioned that Amazon + Audible + Kindle pays me the smallest royalties per book; but also that a majority of my sales volume comes from that same combination. Here’s the pie chart illustrating my royalty income mix:

Here’s a problem. There is a movement to boycott Amazon from March 7th to March 14th (including Amazon Alexa, IMDb, Prime Video, Ring, Twitch, Whole Foods and Zappos.) To support this blackout, I should suspend all sales of my books on Amazon, Kindle, and Audible—but I’m conflicted about shutting off sixty percent of book sales revenue for a full week.

I’ve recently asked our financial advisor to sell all holdings in AMZN, which I feel good about. I’ve also held off on shopping for anything at Amazon or Whole Foods or watching Amazon prime.

This is rebuilding habits. Instead of jumping to the easy online marketplace, I spend a little bit of extra time looking for local suppliers or alternative online sources. For a long time, I’ve purchased my electronic components from Adafruit instead of Amazon. I like Adafruit, they record informative videos on new products and maintain essential code libraries to use those integrated circuits. I would feel guilty buying the part from Amazon, then download code from Amazon.

To avoid being a hypocrite, I should shut off sales through those Amazon channels. I set about that task. Here’s what I experienced.

Continue reading Blacking Out Amazon

Where You Purchase a Book Makes a Difference

I loved going to bookstores with my dad. We often found ourselves in the mall waiting for my sisters and mom to finish shopping. B. Dalton bookseller displayed rows of books we could browse. The covers exploded with action and color, at least in the science fiction section, where I would squat down on the floor with the laser beams and rocket ships.

We only bought books from B.Dalton, unless we checked them out from the library. Those were our options. Oh – but now, there is a plethora of choices, not only where you buy books but also in the formats available; ebooks and audiobooks weren’t commonly available.

Amazon’s disruption of booksellers also changed how authors are paid. The supply chain that provided books to B. Dalton provided authors with a standard percentage of sales; there was little fluctuation. Today, the route from author to buyer is legion, and each come with differing payment levels to authors.

You may not know it yet, but where you buy a book makes a difference to your favorite authors.

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Key Ideas from My Favorite Mother-In-Law

I’m preparing to submit My Favorite Mother-In-Law to the Portland Book Festival. They ask for a media kit and I’m told to include five key points about the book. It’s a document used to spark questions during an interview.

This gives me a chance to look back at the book, the process, Greta, and my imaginary friends. Perhaps you’ll enjoy an early look at these five points…

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My Favorite Mother In Law appears in the Library

It’s delightful to be validated for your writing.

The Multnomah County Public Library (My Library!) just informed me they are adding My Favorite Mother-In-Law to their collection as part of the Library Writers Project. They had sixty submissions and told me I was a standout!

This makes My Favorite Mother-In-Law available via the Libby app to all of Multnomah County. 80,000 readers. Wow!

Do you live in Multnomah County, Oregon? You can borrow the book from your library branch.

Don’t live in Oregon? Send a suggestion to your library that you’d like them to pick this book up for their collection. It’s available via Overdrive which is where most libraries acquire electronic books.

Can’t convince your library. You could always just buy a copy of your own.

Yay me!

Pantser or Plotter?

I was a pantser when I wrote Stupid Machine (and My Favorite Mother In Law, and Hot Meal, and Do-Ye0n Performs a Cost-Benefit Analysis on a Career Based on Questionable Activities ). I started off with a rough, unwritten outline, then hammered out words. I let the characters lead the story, amping up the action whenever things became dull.

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Disruptive Refrigerator

I’m vastly disappointed with refrigerator manufacturers. They just aren’t learning the lesson that nearly killed Kodak.

Kodak considered themselves in competition with Nikon, never realizing Apple or Google would put them out of business.

Apple changed the telephone from a lowly desktop feature into a pocket computer encompassing a camera, contacts, calendar, and funny-video sharing device. Kodak never saw them coming. Kodak never even thought to look in that direction.

Kodak isn’t the only one. With internet streaming, VCRs became obsolete. Main frame computers took a hit from desktop and laptops. Operating a slide rule is a party trick to impress your friends.

It’s called disruptive technology. It’s the boogeyman of any company selling a product, and it’s where I write science fiction.

Writing science fiction gives me a vehicle to stretch my imagination. The stories I write start with common places and things, then I extrapolate them out to the future.

In Stupid Machine I wrote a murder mystery about refrigerators. Thusly, I have a lot of interest in refrigerators. It’s why I’m disappointed.

Continue reading Disruptive Refrigerator